Very sorry I’ve been absent for a short bit. Been struggling with a crap depression, the worst I’ve had in quite awhile. Barely been able to Mood Chart or accomplish much of anything. But here now with “Today’s Lesson”.
The sneaky thing about depression is it’s a bit like childbirth, your mind cushions you by allowing you to forgot how painful it really is. That is, until you’re back in one. I forget how hard it is to breathe, the tears that won’t stop, how much it physically hurts, especially in the chest, and how much I would give to make it stop. I personally often consider suicide, but in more of an abstract fashion. An escapist mentality because it feels like I can’t bear the pain for another second and would do anything to keep from getting to the next second. At the beginning, I find that pastry and Bach help, as well as Tibetan Buddhist chanting. That may sound strange but it’s oddly comforting. However, as a rapid cycler, it’s a quick trip to the serious pain and a fetal ball in bed, disinterested in food or anything else. If you’re reading this blog because you also have a mood disorder, you understand exactly what I’m saying.
But what is the lesson then, if the example is so familar? Don’t get on the damn scale! Especially if the depression is part of PMS/Menstrual Period like it has been with me (until Yaz, that is until the last 2 months). There is a good chance you may gain some water weight and even if that’s not the case, the pastry/Chik fi A run (insert your own here) may be a temporary set-back. Just say no!!
As individuals in recovery from Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, etc., even with the best meds/coping skills, we are familiar with the “once in awhile” episodes. Now is the time to look at your “coping tips” and “wellness strategies” to re-remember what works best for you to help you get through this. Yes, you probably want to curl up in bed and sleep it off, but life is still going on around you. Read your skillset, take the best care of yourself you can, and for goodness sake, if you need to – call your doctor! If you’ve been doing Mood Tracking of any kind, even journalling, and have had your condition for more than a year or 2, you probably know about how long your episodes last / severity. If your current one is stretching out or much worse than previous ones, it’s phone call time. I know that’s the last thing you want to do, but it’s the best thing for you. Don’t forget your loved ones and friends regardless of the fact that you probably don’t want to talk to anyone or maybe can’t. Reach out if you need to or take some comfort in knowing they’re there. And try to find some solace in knowing how much of the episode you’ve already gotten through and that the thankful end of it is probably closer than you think!