Feeling Discouraged Today

Yes, the Year Ended Well…What Of It?!?:

After ending 2011 at an astounding 211 (down from 278 in mid April), was shocked beyond belief. But since then, I’ve been swinging worse than an overactive 5 year old between that happy number and 215! 4 icky, horrible pounds!!! Went from 211 on Jan 1, up to 213, back down to 211.6, and now up to 215 after last’s nights truly poor choices. I’m momentarily feeling quite discouraged.

The last three days have been very rough and Friday I self medicated with 2 crazy cupcakes, 3 fried mozerella sticks, and half a small calzone. You know how yesterday went and today’s truly been a struggle. In the cardio cycle today is “no carb day” – 5 small meals of protein and veggies and lots of water. No workout, a break day. And all I want to do is eat bread and butter, make ginger cookies, and drink lots of hot, sweet tea. Willpower is at an all time low. Desperation is setting in and the spinach and sun dried tomato stroganoff followed by raspberry and white chocolate streudal are looming in the near future.

What To Do, What To Do:

So I hugged my sweetie for a long time and figured out some substitutions. Going to make the Roasted Butternut Squash Soup from the low carb cookbook (warm and comforting, low cal, lots of fiber plus a small splash of white truffle oil) with a side of  fresh bread/butter. And for dessert, the weight watchers Crustless Pumpkin Pie (4 points a slice) with Cool Whip Free. Will snack on 2% cheese cubes to keep hunger at bay and limit impulse buys at the grocery store. Was able to clear head enough to realize that, no matter how bad I feel right now, eating crap isn’t the answer. No matter how good it tastes, the guilt isn’t worth it, much less feeling very disappointed with myself. Bottom line: feeling horrible and wanting to make it go away by mindlessly eating junk is still my default, something I’m working very hard to change. But the reality is that the bad feelings come right back as well as lost weight piling right back on again. Finding a compromise that will be satisfying but not break the scale allows you and I to comfort ourselves without feeling doubly worse tommorow on the scale. Off to buy fresh, healthy food!

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