Light Bulb!

Into every life challenges must come, but hopefully, along with them come bursts of inspiration and enlightment!

Follow that with action and you have a winning combination!

After a few down posts and a bit of whining, I did some brainstorming and formed a plan to address the challenges I’ve been having the last few months with food and decreasing activity (excusitis).

I made an appt with my brilliant EMDR therapist, Bill, for today, calls into the Gyn to follow up on a terrific reader recommendation, and scheduled an hour planning/training session with my new personal trainer on Friday. (Hey, when I do get started, watch out!)

What I/we figured out today in therapy went to the core of the problem: I’m afraid of losing all the weight because I was skinny when I first got sick after starting to gain some weight (about 20 pounds) and going on the fen-phen diet. I lost the weight and within a few weeks started planning my own funeral. That was a slight clue that the BP I’d been terrified of having for YEARS finally kicked in as late onset. Just a small one. I’m afraid that if I lose the weight, I’ll get really sick again.

The scare did get me to a psychiatrist but he was a complete quack and went through horrible med change after med change. Dropped way too much weight and then slowly started the journey up the scale. Even with a new doc, as a rapid cycler, it was one med after another and even though I was miserable being so overweight, I was such a mess that I didn’t have the energy to exercise and the meds make you crave fat/sweets/all the bad stuff. It’s called “feeding the pain”.

What my therapist helped me realize and own today is that when I lose the weight, even if I get sick, I know what to do now. I’m not helpless, I won’t go off the deep end, I’ll be ok. In fact, I’ll probably be on the phone right away telling my pdoc what med changes need to be made, filling out the prescription, and sticking it under his nose to sign it! Helpless, I don’t think so!

In addition, when La has a tasty treat, it’s been a trigger for me to have one as well, especially when stuff is in the house. The reality is I have great coping mechanisms that don’t involve food and I can say no without guilt or feeling deprived. And she can still have her treat!

Best $60 I’ve spent all year!!!

So getting an alternative birth control/episode control device will take care of the re-occurrence of my period/PMS/food cravings every month, being OK in my own head about healthy food and “I am slender and I AM OK”, along with back with a good personal trainer will have me back on track and prepping for future challenges in no time.

Lesson Learned: When you get stuck, play the “call a friend” card, and take action! All the sudden a BIG problem seems manageable!

I can see those new sneakers any day now!!

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Light Bulb!

  1. Lara, congrats on these positive moves. I know for myself that when my maladaptive behaviors reappear, there’s always something deeper that needs to be seen and addressed. I wish I could remember that immediately, but it seems I have to thrash around awhile before the lightbulb goes off. See you on the weigh down!

  2. thanks for linking to my blog! I think you’ve got a good insight there about fear of losing weight because you’ll get sick. Good luck with weight loss and training!

    • Happy to! Thanks so much for your support and agreement – it really means so much. I’ve been struggling and feel like a huge “weight” has been lifted. Thanks for the encouragement, already on my way with a 2nd exercise class tomorrow, yoga this evening, and high hopes for training starting on Friday. Will definitely blog about it over the weekend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s