2012 Yearly Wrap Up

2013 3Hello and Happy New Year!!!

After taking a short break to my “get crap back together” after the school thing, am very happy to be back and will be blogging again regularly. Missed everyone but have been busy learning new fitness, nutrition, and motivation tips and tricks to help us all!

But first a quick wrap of “2012 Goals Achieved“!

INCHES LOST: I lost 4 inches off my bust, went from 22 to size 16/18 in pants and from 1X to Xlarge and some Large/Medium as well. Sold or Donated 80% (or more) of my clothes and shoes and, except for one shopping trip, have gotten everything but sneakers from Goodwill.

FAT LOST: I lost 15 pounds this year and have kept it off. Went through a cycle of gaining and losing, then plateaued for about 5 months but kept going.

STRENGTH: I am doing much better. Can do 3 rounds of full range of exercises with trainer. Bench press 40 pounds and squatting 60 pounds. Much better endurance and able to run 2 miles easily.

MOTIVATION: I began working in July with an amazing trainer and hit the gym at least 3 times a week now, if not more. That includes fitness classes, strength training, C25K training, and yoga. Also tried P90X with a group.

RUNS ACCOMPLISHED: I completed 3 separate 5K’s this year, up from 1 last year. Also decreased time on the last one – Thanksgiving Day – by 15 minutes!

DIET: This year I struggled with sweets and junk food, especially pastry, but was able to get friends on board with my “healthy eating program”. Also did a great job with food choices during the holiday’s compared to last year, and did a 1 day water cleanse yesterday – even with going to a friend’s gathering a being surrounded with AMAZING FOOD.

BREAKFAST: Eat breakfast every day, use stevia not sugar, cook with cooking spray.

WATER: Drink it like it’s out of style (at least a gallon a day). That, coffee, and protein shakes are all I drink now.

ENDING THE BLAME / GUILT CYCLE: I am finished blaming my weight gain on my condition (1 med a bit of an issue but have overcome it), my mom for passing the condition down, and beating myself up when I slip off the wagon, hit a wall, or fail at something. Now I can accept life as it comes, deal with it, and move on to make healthier, smarter decisions next time. This is a HUGE step for me!

TAKING CARE OF MYSELF FIRST: After the whole “class thing” and backsliding, I have been extra vigilant about self care, meds, preparing healthy meals, eating on time, and getting to the gym. The healthier I am in all areas of my life, the better wife, friend, and overall person I will be. Can’t help others with half a tank!

OTHER GOALS ACHIEVED OF NOTE:

SOCIAL: Went from anxiety/depression central and trapped at home 2 years ago to planning and hosting 3 parties/gatherings this year: a “Harry Potter Movie Marathon and Authentic Menu” Party, “Cocktails/Mocktails” Party, and a “French Country Christmas”. Also captained the 2012 NamiWalk, great success! Am almost anxiety free now and ready to kick another med to the curb! And will be reconnecting and visiting with friends monthly.

EDUCATION: Signed up for and completed 90% of a college class.

FINANCIAL: Also studying and creating a financial plan for my family for next year to knock out our debts. Paid off car and refinanced house this year. Exciting plans for 2013.

Have another set already of goals for 2013, some carried over from 2012, but many new.

Pleased to report that achieved almost everything on our “2012 Vision Board“. So for those of you who don’t know what a vision board is or just haven’t used one – I HIGHLY recommend it! Seeing your goals in color every day and the “check marks” stuck to the one’s you’ve achieved is an incredible motivator. Gives such an amazing feeling of pride and accomplishment. Have a blog entry from January 2012 explaining how to make your own vision board but even if you just create a “2013 Goals List” and display it where you’ll see it every day, then check things off as you do them, you’ll still get those “warm fuzzy feelings”.

So, welcome back everyone! 2013 is a year of challenging myself like never before, beating the sugar monster, and getting in the best health I’ve been in since my late 20’s. And I challenge you to go after your goals and “knock them out of the park” as well! Would love to hear some of your plans and goals for the New Year and your accomplishments in 2012. This is going to be exciting and thrilled you’re along for the Ride!

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Scared of Success? Find A Role Model!

I have a confession to make: I’m scared of finally getting to my goal weight.

Maybe that sounds strange considering that’s the main topic of this blog and how hard I’ve worked to get this far. Over 73 pounds lost is pretty snazzy!

But here’s why:

I’m afraid that after I lose the weight, I’ll look in the mirror only to see a thinner version of the mentally ill, angst ridden, depression fighting, on disability-still failure I am in my own mind. Skinnier, but still a failure. At this point, with another 45 pounds to lose staring me in the face, my motivation is hanging by a thread.

A big part of this is that I’ve already lost a lot of weight twice since I’ve been diagnosed (12 years). The first time from a major med change and I became way underweight only to gain it all back, and the second time for my wedding using Weight Watchers. The second time was the worst because not only did I gain it all back, I added another 30 pounds. So not only am I afraid of the “so what, I’m now a skinny, crazy failure, big deal”, but that, because I feel that way, I’ll fall right back into the “feed the pain away” habit and gain back all the weight I lost. To let not only myself down, but everyone reading this blog who I’m trying to inspire and motivate, and everyone who’s been so supportive during this journey.

Now you know my deep, dark secret. And I have a feeling I’m not alone. It has been bugging me for awhile now, enough to start falling back into the “feed the pain/anxiety mode” way too often. Enough to wonder if I’ve done enough and to quit while I’m ahead as I keep see-sawing back and forth on the scale and my weight loss has slowed to a crawl. It’s getting harder to abstain, harder to lose, harder to keep away from sugar and maintain my 4-5 times a week exercise schedule.

The Answer:

Thanks to a dear friend, I now have a “new” iPad and I spent a bit of time downloading apps last night. One is called “Unstuck” and it led me step by step to address how and why I now feel stuck in my weight loss journey. It was easy to use and FREE – way cheaper than a trip to therapist. The stuck bottom line: I’m afraid I will fail and fall right back into old bad habits. The answer: look at the problem from a different perspective and think about actions that will support my new weight/lifestyle. I realized that I’m not the 278 pound person I was almost a year ago. I’ve changed and grown in so many ways, and considering how far I could fall off the wagon, I’m doing pretty good in the big picture. And, as I continue adding new activities and goals to keep my exercise program fresh, the person I’ll be when I reach my goal weight will also be different than the person I am NOW.

I’ll have the confidence I gained from accomplishing this big goal. The improved self image from all the support I’ve gotten from the incredible people surrounding me. The excitement of buying new clothes in “normal” size clothing stores. And the increased energy and endurance gained from so much less weight to lug around. I know I won’t look in the mirror and see the skinny 27 year old I was before all this started. But I will see an attractive, fit, confident middle aged woman, willing and able to take on new challenges. And you know, that’s just fine!

So that’s my motivation now: taking care of myself today for that “future self” tommorow.

More Motivation:

Speaking of “perception flipping”, if this hasn’t been motivating enough, I got this TED podcast in an email. Aimee Mullins is the QUEEN of Perception Flipping. I highly recommend watching this every time you’re feeling stuck, having issues with your disorder or health in general, or simply frustrated with your life. It’s powerful so prepare yourself!